My  shoulder-blades hurt... I must be growing wings again.

I'm totally shipping Cinderella x Jesus right now.

I should really stop praying to unicorns...

I'm jealous of people with German cars... but at least I have mustard.

I live in Cuba now, the shore is a maze of warm , oiled beech staircases. I'm at peace.

The sky is amber.

The only thing every single human being has in common is that they all hate being alive.

The first floor of Wartenweiler library (on campus) contains a labyrinthine bath house decorated entirely in an unpleasant shade of salmon pink.

Professor on podium: Now, we all know why we're here at this academic conference. It's not to share knowledge or impart wisdom -- it's to do one thing: get laid.

Aw man, my tooth fell out... oh well, it was black anyway.

We moved to Yeoville, I live in the real world now... without curtains.

You can't give birth to your own house! The bricks would scratch your lady-place.

Second place in a diorama contest went to a piece titled "A man who fell in love as I went mad."

As I look down into the muddy river, I announce to the nervous crowd around me, “There are no crocodiles in there! Look up, are you afraid to be under the sky because of flying monsters? Then I’m not afraid to be in the water.” I jump in, it’s cold and fresh and I see swarms of crocodiles making up its murky bottom. I swim on and they don’t hurt me.

I thought I was stealing a high-fashion dress (bright orange with with a course woolen texture) but after I ran out of the store I realised it was just an umbrella.

If you wear the same painkiller once, you must be the same person for five minutes.

All my writing is boring because it's simply a very long paraphrase of country music. To remedy this, I will go down to the nearest parenting shop, buy a silver pair of boots, and go home.

Barbie: Oh my God, Ken -- you've left me! You've left me with a dirty house and thirty out-of-scale pets.